How Did I Get Here?

One of my favorite musicals is Jonathan Larson's Rent. I wrote a huge paper comparing it to Giacomo Puccini's La boheme for my music history class. And I've been listening to the soundtrack since I was maybe 14 years old. A song from that musical that continues to send chills up my spine is Halloween. Sung by the all around fantastic Anthony Rapp. His character, Mark, walks around a cemetery that a friend has been recently buried in and tries to remember how current things came to be. He sings: "How did I get here? How the hell?"


I find myself asking this question lately. How did I get here? I'm 20 years old, single, working in a Deli making 25 cents more than minimum wage, with two more years left of college. I'm well aware of where I am and somewhat of where I'm going. But where did I come from? How the hell did I get here?

• On January 7, 1991 I was born. So that's obviously how I came to be 20 years old. 
• The last boyfriend I had was Mathew in 8th grade. How pathetic. I haven't even kissed a guy since him. Talking to people, predominantly attractive people, is difficult and awkward for me. So flirting is usually out of the question. I guess that's how I came to be single.
•  Last summer, I filled out a large number of applications for jobs in the area. No one called me. This year, I applied to the same places and low-and-behold, Foodtown hired me! They put me in the deli because of my experience with serving semi-prepared food. Thus, I slice meats and cheeses all day.
• In high school, my choir director talked about his alma mater all the time. So much that I was eventually interested in seeing the campus and he was more than happy to show me. In no time at all, I was a freshman at Moravian College. And in what seems to be even less time, I was done as a sophomore at Moravian College. I tell people that I chose Moravian because it was small, the music department was great, and the whole liberal arts thing. But the real reason I chose it was because...well...I didn't really choose it. I felt like I had to go to Moravian. My grades weren't good enough to get into other schools and I never actually took the application process seriously. I applied for early decision and scheduled an audition time for the music department. If you were to ask my mom, she would tell you that I applied to Moravian, Temple, and West Chester. But Moravian was my first choice. Little does she, or anyone else, know that I never applied anywhere else but Moravian. I felt like I had it in the bag. Like I didn't have to try so hard because they were going to accept me anyway. And I was right. So, that's the real reason that I live in Bethlehem 9 months out of the year. That's how I got here. 

I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself. There seems to be so much more left for me to do. Like, I'm not yet standing still. So, I can't really know how I got here if I don't know where I am.